This Ain't Yo' Momma's House: The Myth of Later

There are a lot of things about keeping house that I learned when I acquired a household of my own. Tips and tricks for making chores easier, things look cleaner and stretch budgets further. The single most important thing I learned though, was the myth of later.

As a teen I was constantly frustrated when my parents would hassle me to do the dishes or mow the lawn. It wasn't like I wasn't planning to do it, I just didn't want to right then. I would do it later, after I read one more chapter or wrote one more poem (yeah, I was one of those teens) or beat the water-temple.

When I moved into my first apartment, one of the things I was excited about was being able to do my chores when I wanted to. There is a fatal logic flaw there. I could wait a million years and I will never want to do chores. There will always be a more interesting book, exciting video game or sardonic couplet to pursue.

Dishes piled in the sink, cobwebs collected in the corner, laundry splayed all over the floor. Sure, once in awhile I would realize I was living in a sty and go on a cleaning binge, but it was not a consistent state. I was not alone in this affliction. I have seen houses where 'later' never comes. Dishes that have been in the sink so long civilizations have risen and fallen subsiding off of 6 month old chicken dinner. Bathtubs mold has eaten away the caulk and now the wall behind is rotting away. Toilets literally covered in crap. Still, the people living in these conditions continue to lie to themselves: "I'll do it later."

I finally realized I was lying to myself about later (after I learned to identify exactly what rotten chicken smells like). Chores are something you have to plan to do weekly. For me, that means setting a day for it. Adding it to the schedule with definite time and date instead of the nebulous "later". Granted this usually means things like vacuuming when I run out of underwear and have to do laundry and cleaning the bathroom on garbage day for me since I don't do the calendar date thing so well, but it's a specific moment.

So this is my first housekeeping advice to my fellow twenty-somethings: "Later" is a lie. Unlike the cake. The cake is delicious.